A Story of Sin and Redemption

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

The following is my painful story.  I believe this is the next step in my walk.  I felt compelled to write it today and I sit here almost in tears as I rehash it.

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Beginnings

I grew up in what most would consider to be a religious household.  None of us had a relationship with Christ, but we attended church on a weekly basis.  As a teenager my interest in pornography was “normal” for a boy my age.  If I encountered pornography, I was curious, but I did not seek it out and definitely did not purchase it. 

When I was eighteen and away from home in my first year of college, I had sex for the first time.  This gave me an incredible desire for gratification, whether it was with a partner or through self-gratification.  As a result of this powerful craving, I became more and more interested in pornography.

Subsequently, I would try to covertly purchase it at a convenience store in a neighboring town and accumulated a library of dozens of magazines.  Viewing pornography and self-gratification became a daily occurrence, and sometimes even multiple times a day.  When I met my wife (still not a Christian) we had an active sex life and my interest in porn/self-gratification became more of a weekly occurrence.  We got married and porn/self-gratification became very rare.

After about four years of marriage, I was exposed to porn on the internet.  I slowly started to sink back into my younger ways.  I would view it occasionally and resort to self-gratification even less often.  Porn became like a stone rolling down a hill after that.  I would view it every few days and then every day and self-gratification became a partner with porn.  My relationship with my wife became platonic at best.

Spiritual Awakening

This went on for years until a friend introduced me to the Bible and a Bible believing church.  Jesus grabbed my heart and freed me from porn/self-gratification for over 2 years.  I had no interest and felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.  My wife and I started to grow closer.

Lifelong Struggle

Then one day I stumbled upon a risqué photo of a woman.  That “accident” opened the floodgates again.  I spiraled back into my old flesh feeding ways.  I was devastated, because I thought Jesus had freed me forever.

Spiritual Rebirth

In conclusion, what I have discovered is that Jesus did free me forever.  But it wasn’t from the chains of porn like I initially thought.  Jesus freed me from the punishment of my sin.  He gave me eternal life, but did not take away my desire for porn.  He did, however, provide me with the strength I need to battle the desire.

1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

And as Paul learned, when saddled with some affliction that he wanted desperately to get rid of pleaded with the Lord for freedom ….
2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

We may never be truly free until we see our Savior face to face brothers, but we can know He is there with us every step of the way.  I apologize for repeating the verses that I opened this message with, but I feel they are so powerful they are worth repeating.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.


~ a BeFreeinChrist writing ~

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