I was addicted to pornography for over 30 years of my life, and internet p for the last ten years. I was hopeless and helpless and defeated. Many times I thought about suicide, many times I would get on my knees and beg for forgiveness and ask for deliverance. Yet, I always went back to it.
I used to go a few weeks clean and then get right back into it for months straight. This went on for years. It was not until about two years ago that finally I was on my last leg, desperate and tired of the constant cycle or repeanting and repeating. I truly just gave up fighting it and prayed to God for strength and help and guidance. It started with little things, removing anything that was a trigger for me that would cause me to slip up (including my home computer), reading my Bible daily, doing daily devotions, praying constantly when feeling tempted. (I know I make it sound so simple, but it is easy when we let go and let God guide us.) I would post as often as possible on FIC, and started reading and reaching out to others in need. Tony showed me that of the best things to do to help in recovery is to help others. During that time the Lord brought someone into my life, someone that gave me an incentive to quit, my future wife. If you were to tell me three years ago that today I would be free from internet porn and married to a loving wife, I would have laughed.
I was so hopelessly lost that I hated myself to the point I would rarely go out in public, for fear that everyone knew of my secret life. Everywhere I went peoples eyes seemed to judge me and I could barely hold a conversation without my low self esteem taking over. I was so gripped by it and so ensnared, I saw no way out ever. But their is a way out and he is right there waiting to help you no matter where you are in your life, no matter how deep you have gone or how low you feel, he can pick you up and clean you off and restore you. Don’t get me wrong I am still in recovery and I am not above falling again, but he has truly changed me 180 degrees, I am a new person and it’s exciting to watch what God is doing in my life. I don’t care where you think you are in your addiction how miserable you feel, I was there and I can tell you their is hope, if there is hope for me there is hope for everyone. God Bless.
Tim H.